I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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