everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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