Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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