you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize