I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
