Where did you get a picture of my penis
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
