'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
