If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
50% drunk capacity currently
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
