Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
