Only a mothe r could love this liver
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
