there's paper in my vomit.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Randomize