1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
