At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
