Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Randomize