I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
