I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
