I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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