Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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