is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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