Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
