I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
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