Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize