did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
