Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
