fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
