He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
