He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
My ass is underappreciated
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
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