I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
