She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
