Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
