the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I think I just sharted jello shots
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