I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
