He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
