if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
