I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
