I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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