My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
