life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
he fucked my hip out of place.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
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