Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
