yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
