fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
