apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
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