I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
