here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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