The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
