College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Randomize
