No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
