The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
