So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
