the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
Randomize
