I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
