or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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