So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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