He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize