You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
