I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
