i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
