where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
