U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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