All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
