i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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