Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
