i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
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