did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
