I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
where are my pants?
in the oven.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Randomize