I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
