Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
