i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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