If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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