I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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