So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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