oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
