he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
