i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
