I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
operation have a gay friend backfired
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
