Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
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