Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
