I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
