piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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