don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
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