everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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