I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
50% drunk capacity currently
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize