Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
