I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just pee around me
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
