I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
i barfeds in our rink
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Randomize
