you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
