I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
