I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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