you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize