worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Your penis caused this!
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
