what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
