Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Semen is not good for contacts.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
