so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
Randomize
