I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
