We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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