so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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