She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
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