Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
