I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Randomize
