Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize