Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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