You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize
