I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
