When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
