We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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