i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
