I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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